by the skin of your teeth

xiaodery / 226k words / explicit
Dejun; the outlaw. Guanheng; the bartender. Thirteen years between them. All the times Guanheng cares for him and the one time Dejun can take care of him right back.




there was way too much that went into this fic. six months of planning and rewriting and editing. im just gonna dump it here. im sorry.



5+1?

five times guanheng patches him up. and one time dejun patches guanheng up.

chap one:
  • [ ] in a fight
  • [ ] loses connection with yangyang. running….
  • [ ] makes it to a town. out of his mind. makes it to a tavern and collapses
  • [ ] wakes up to… you guessed it
  • [ ] pointedly NO reconciliation
    • [ ] guanheng goes by hendery now
  • [ ] dejun runs off. the memory of the past on his heels
  • [ ] in the dream he does not tell anyone about….

chap two:
  • [x] back at camp
  • [x] yangyang. so where were you. dejun goes. none of ur business.
    • [x] kunten somewhere…..
      • [x] CHINA LINE!!!!!!
    • [x] kun and dejun talk
      • [x] be careful jun….
        • [x] tennie and renjun?
        • [x] ????????
  • [x] some jobs n cowboy stuff blehhhh
    • [x] dejun has a dream
      • [x] homophobia… church….
    • [x] yangyang tells him he talks in his sleep. in canto. always says guanhengs name over and over again like a prayer.
  • [x] dejun visits town. just because. very sneaky. just once.
    • [x] It takes five weeks for him cave, which is kind of pathetic if you think about it.
  • [x] does it a few times. tries to see guanheng maybe
  • [x] yangyang, chenle, renjun break into the tavern to scope guanheng out
    • [x] we followed you. you didnt notice? for an outlaw, you really arent paranoid enough
      • [x] idk says dejun has a crush on kun. and guanheng is like. who is that. and dejun is like >_<
      • [x] dejun like falls off his horse or something rlly stupid
  • [x] guanheng patches him up
    • [x] soft moment… with a bitter underbelly
      • [x] they talk a little about the gang. blackwater foreshadowing
      • [x] hey, dejun, this is what you couldve had. all these years together, to watch those smile lines form and his beard grow in. but you ran, didnt you? what, you were scared of not being good enough? no wonder you turned out to be a killer. you’re too scared to kill yourself. still afraid of damnation like you arent going straight to hell.
    • [x] the four of them get a room

chap three:
  • [x] dejun does NOT think about guanheng, mind you
  • [x] bank heist plan… big feelings
    • [x] last hit. god.
  • [x] bank heist
    • [x] journey…..
    • [x] heist stuff
      • [x] uh oh. something goes wrong.
        • [x] ten gets caught
        • [x] run in with the pinkertons
          • [x] shootout and ten escapes, obviously
            • [x] milton corners dejun and ten
              • [x] dejun defends kun’s honor. more about blackwater revealed
              • [x] takes a hit for ten
                • [x] dejun is an evil boy. he must die. he must die, he must die, ten has saved him, he must-
  • [x] escapes saint denis, some of them are really hurt, meet up with sicheng
    • [x] kun and ten go to cuba?
    • [x] dejun is VERY INJURED
  • [x] the boys take him to strawberry, for some reason. he wont stop begging for guanheng.
  • [x] sorry guanheng
    • [x] dejun processes that kun and ten are gone and FREAKS OUT
      • [x] guanheng sees him. ugh
    • [x] guanheng: what do you want from me
    • [x] dejun: i dont know. im sorry.
      • [x] dejun, whose family has abandoned him

chap four:
  • [x] dejun is…. okay
    • [x] self destruction? maybe a little bit
  • [x] regrouping. maybe talking to junhao. what to do about pinkertons? making a plan
    • [x] regrouping….
    • [x] discussions of van horne
    • [x] Pinkerton … stuff. Saint Denis ?
  • [x] in the dream i dont tell anyone
  • [x] stuff with guanheng is…. odd. really odd
    • [x] angsty… a little bit.
    • [x] confession? lol
  • [x] flashback
  • [x] they fuck
  • [x] soft moment

chap five:
  • [x] soft xiaodery
  • [x] dejun birthday - tavern shenanigans
    • [x] dejun gets hit on in the tavern? guanheng is jealous?
      • [x] teasing from the boys
      • [x] dancing in the dark
      • [x] maybe they fuck. IMPASSIONED>……
        • [x] dejun begs guanheng to touch him
        • [x] make it hurt, he begs. please, heng, make it hurt, i deserve it- if you love me youll hurt me-
        • [x] im never going to hurt you. you’re precious, did you know that
  • [x] they get a hote room. bathtime .
    • [x] clearing stuff up. about blackwater?
    • [x] guanheng: you deserve to be treated gently, too
    • [x] dejun probably cries about kun and ten
      • [x] they almost back together….. close
  • [x] the boys encourage dejun with guanheng
    • [x] therapy talk ish
    • [x] kunten mentionnnnnnnnn
  • [x] a date ????
    • [x] riding thru the valley
    • [x] skinny dipping at cumberland falls (sexy style)
      • [x] soft
      • [x] maybe a heart to heart
        • [x] about kunten + blackwater
      • [x] but then turns into a run-in with the law
        • [x] eugh

chap six:
  • [x] the pinkertons are back !!!!! heollll
  • [x] soft moments. laced with anxiety
  • [x] things are. not normal
    • [x] dejun realizes he can’t involve guanheng in his Terror
      • [x] desperate sex
  • [x] tries running away
    • [x] guanheng is taken lol
  • [x] inner turmoil… RESCUE PLAN!!!!!
    • [x] the boys unite
    • [x] meet up with junhao
      • [x] letter comes from kt in cuba. they knew dejun would find his way back to guanheng.
        • [x] we may as well go to cuba!
  • [x] something with kt… flashback

chap seven:
  • [x] goes in for the rescue
    • [x] confrontation
    • [x] stuff with blackwater comes to light?
    • [x] milton dies ofc
      • [x] the boys beat up the cops
  • [x] reunite
    • [x] help each other heal…..
      • [x] guanheng knew dejun was going to try and leave
        • [x] you had that look on your face… the same one you did when we were seventeen
    • [x] kiss kiss fall in love
  • [x] vulnerability + porn
    • [x] dejun praising heng idk very soft and loving
  • [x] reunion

chap eight:
  • [x] morning smut
  • [x] breakfast
    • [x] group chaos
    • [x] kunten and xiaojun
    • [x] island living!
      • [x] dog… bella
  • [x] some duties idk
    • [x] teasing… something
  • [x] xiaodery beach date
  • [x] dinner?
    • [x] kt bond with their son’s bf
      • [x] kun and guanheng. dejun, do you have a type ?
    • [x] + mahjong
    • [x] smoking. shotgunning. drinkingggggg
  • [x] xiaodery nasty nasty sex
    • [x] foreplay
      • [x] undressing….. breast worship
    • [x] foreplay two
      • [x] cunnilingus
      • [x] discussing a reward… taste urself
        • [x] spit into his mouth
      • [x] 69ing
        • [x] ass eating
        • [x] blow job!!!!
        • [x] stretching with gun oil and gun play teasing maybe
      • [x] anal sex
        • [x] vaginal fingering
        • [x] breeding kink… marriage kink?
          • [x] dejun squirts
  • [x] aftercare
    • [x] something with bella. as they go to sleep
  • [x] flashback or DREAM. but guanheng is always there to reach out a hand???? i dunno
    • [x] maybe coming to america and introducing himself to guanheng…. his first time intoducing himself as dejun instead of [BEEP]
      • [x] dog motif…..
      • [x] the demon of the west goes to sleep and wakes up… anew? whole? idk





(This was an original version of post-kunten leaving scene in which Dejun was kind of more suicidal. Which I obviously changed lol)

Somehow that hurts worse. Hurts harder. Dejun doesn’t know what to tell him. His friends brought him here because the only reason Kun and Ten wouldn’t have taken him with them is because they know Guanheng is always the last thing on his mind before he goes to sleep at night.

“I don’t know either,” Dejun knows he sounds bitter and he means it. “I’m sorry.”

Guanheng just… takes in this breath. An exhausted, deep breath. Sweeps a hand down Dejun’s shoulder.

“‘S okay,” he says. And then nothing else after that.

Dejun squeezes his eyes shut, back turned to the room. Feeling angry and sad and bad, bad, bad. Within the hour, Yangyang is awake. Puts a hand on Dejun’s forehead. Runs a hand through his hair.

“No fever,” he hears Guanheng say.

“Thank God,” Yangyang sighs. “This idiot. He didn’t need to get hurt again.”

Dejun curls up more. He hates himself so fucking much.

He doesn’t leave the bed the whole day. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. Kun and Ten are gone and here he is in Guanheng’s house, who doesn’t even want him there. Here he is back in Strawberry. Here he is, alone and hurt and unloved, and he fucking hates himself. Still wishes he was dead.

“You have to eat,” Renjun urges him. “Yangie went out and got some food, you have to-”

“Not hungry,” Dejun grunts. They don’t ask again after that.

He’s being an idiot. He’s the oldest out of all of them. But being abandoned always stings, because this is his second set of parental figures to leave him without warning, and Guanheng doesn’t love him anymore. It’s just him and his pain, him and his pain, over and over and over again. Dejun was born a crime, he was born a sin, and no one loves him. He is left in the only home he has ever known and no one loves him. He lays in Guanheng’s sheets and he is an evil, evil boy, and the people who promised him everything are safe and sound in Cuba.

“Jun,” Guanheng says to him, gentle. “Jun, you have to eat or else you’ll get sick.”

Dejun says nothing. He feels nothing.

He is a bad boy, a rabid dog. He will always end up biting at the hand that feeds him. Here are four other people who know him well enough to get him to squirm and yet he does not budge. He needs to die. If he doesn’t he will kill them all. Be left behind.

Dejun does not drink. He does not eat. There is everyone’s hands on his back, there is Guanheng’s voice in his ear, and he does not budge. He is an evil boy. He will die alone and in pain. He will smile when hell comes for him.

He dreams that night of Kun.

“Ge,” he says. “I’ve got it all figured out. Don’t worry about me anymore.” He smiles. “I’ve figured out how I can be good.”

Dejun wakes up later that night to Yangyang’s drool in his collarbone. Kun and Ten’s voices echoing in his head. A promise they always kept, even now.

I am not Kun, he thinks. I am Dejun. I will save everyone.

It seems simple enough, doesn’t it? It’s about time he finally finishes paying off his debts.






(Luis is nowhere to be found. Normally he talks Dejun’s ear off before he leaves. But Dejun, guilty or not, knows better than to engage in a man’s feelings. Even if they are well-meaning. So he lets Guanheng escort him back to their horse with a pep in his step and hopes that this is not something that will come back to bite him in the ass, though he doubts it.)

(The people of Guarma are nice, crushes notwithstanding. Much nicer than the white people they knew in the West.)